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Yes, it was a joke

October 16, 2007

Eric Cartman wearing his Libertarians for Paul helmet We thought it was painfully obvious, with the hammer and sickle in Lady Liberty’s hand, and with a post that said the word “taint” a few dozen times, that this was a satirical blog. But we hear that some people were actually taking it seriously. If you’re one of those people who took this site seriously, go buy a helmet. You’re too retarded to be walking around without one.

No, we’re not Kucinich supporters. We’re Libertarian Party activists who are extremely loyal to our Party. In fact, the purpose of this site was to show that the only thing more ridiculous than Libertarians becoming Democrats to vote for Kucinich in the primary is Libertarians becoming Republicans to vote for Paul in the primary. Here’s why.

You know those ridiculous essays we posted about how California needs to build a wall to keep economic migrants from other states from “stealing jobs from real Californians” or about how the Second Amendment applies only to state militias and not to individuals, because the Fourteenth Amendment is “imaginary”? Well, substitute the United States for California, Mexico for Texas, and sodomy laws for gun bans, and you’ve got actual Ron Paul speeches from the House Floor. For example, the actual nutty-fringe speeches on which we based:

https://libertariansforkucinich.wordpress.com/2007/08/19/federal-courts-and-the-imaginary-constitution/

and

https://libertariansforkucinich.wordpress.com/2007/08/24/rethinking-californias-undefended-border/

are available in their entirity here:

http://www.lewrockwell.com/paul/paul120.html

and here

http://www.lewrockwell.com/paul/paul346.html

You’ll note that we didn’t have to change too many words.

Our goal was to point out that so-called “Constitutionalist” arguments such as Ron Paul uses to attack immigrants and gays can also be used to attack gun rights and economic freedom. In other words, Constitutionalism does not equal Libertarianism. And it’s time that Libertarians learn this very important lesson. Ron Paul is a conservative Republican, and not a libertarian — at least no more a libertarian than Dennis Kucinich.

So, in short, if you’re a Libertarian who has seriously considered becoming a Republican so you can vote for Ron Paul, then you need a helmet, too.

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5 comments

  1. Wow you guys are just so smart and cool……NOT! I don’t agree with Ron Paul on everything but I believe he is by far the best candidate who actually has a REAL CHANCE of winning. You so called “libertarians” probably were’nt even born before Ron Paul began advocating for our freedom. You need to wear the retard helmet because you actually think the LP is something worth supporting when it has had extreemly limited sucsess and has been invaded by a ton of pro war and moderate losers who have pretty much destroyed the LP. My point is that the LP still has no chance of winning the presidential election (as always) and yet you cannot put support behind a guy who does have a decent chance and with whom you probably agree with on about 90% of the issues. By the way, we really ought to close our boarders until we can end the welfare state, then it would be wise to open them up completly.


  2. Ron Paul “has a REAL CHANCE of winning”?

    An honest-to-goodness, real-life, we-didn’t-make-this-up Zogby poll:

    https://libertariansforkucinich.wordpress.com/2007/09/03/ageism-trumps-homophobia/

    recently showed that Americans are more likely to elect:

    A gay president (58%)

    or

    An Arab-American president (57%)

    than

    A 70+ year-old president (51%).

    Ron Paul will be 73 in 2008. Don’t lecture us on electability, bud. A Democrat will be the next President. That was decided roughly a year ago. Anyone who doesn’t understand that isn’t politically astute enough to be taken seriously.

    So, the whole Ron Paul vs. real Libertarians debate is about who can do a better job educating people in the coming year. Neither George Phillies nor Ron Paul will be the next President, but only one of them seems willing to do the job of espousing Libertarian values in an uncompromising manner, and it ain’t Ron Paul.


  3. I have to admit that, when I gave you guys some press on Last Free Voice, I was surprised to realize so many didn’t understand your site to be satirical. This is especially true since the entry I chose to highlight was your poll wherein you allegedly asked (among other things) whether Stephen Gordon or Shane Corey is hotter. LOL


    • Libertarians look to be too busy making sure nobody is called a libertarian. I notice you didnt remark on Tea Party? you attack Ron Paul and Dennis Kucinich but not a word on the Tools of Koch? wow. and you wonder why middle america dont take you serious? Or maybe your just happy being fed millions of Corporate Money and really dont care if it destroys democracy and replaces it with a Fascist Corporatism?

      Attacking RP and DK and not attacking Tea Party does say alot.


      • OMG. Tea Party? In 2007? Where’s your helmet?



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